prrrr

I have a big black and white kitty under my chair as I write this. Here's a picture of Sir William with his brother Ethan, fighting over a bit of daddy lap time. Silly boys. Don't they know mummy comes first in daddy's heart? Or that's what he says - this picture doesn't exactly reinforce that, does it? :)

The weekend is over and I'm heading to bed to read my freakin' awesome book (a Books for Diva post is soon - I'm inspired!). Work decisions are being made behind the scenes - and it looks like a doable (if not challenging) outcome awaits me in January. And I've 99% decided to become a PartyLite consultant in Feb or March, once things settle down in the work/life balance front at chez McIntyre. And I can't be the only one planning Xmas menus!? Surely not.

We had dinner at my MIL's tonight, and whilst there I was looking at her photo album which contained older pictures of my boy. Its funny - I look at pictures of E when he was a few months old and I SWEAR I don't recognize him. I don't know what's wrong with me. So little of his face do I see in those older pictures - is it only me? It bothers me - the way that my memories of his early months are truly a blur to me. I can honestly just remember that whole experience in only bits and pieces. Memories lost. Its depressing. Ethan's growing SO FAST that its before my eyes but also faster than I can retain. My little guy - I just love him so helplessly and desperately - I really don't know what to do. My emotions are much larger than I can handle.

Ethan will be 9 months on Thursday - as old outside of me as he was inside of me. Not only outside now, and so big, and growing, and amazing, but it seems his development just adds distance between himself and my arms that hold him tight to my body. His tooth - his almost crawling - developmental milestones that make me cry with excitement and joy for him, but sadness of the building proof he's no longer my little baby anymore, but instead a boy that is truly his own self. My pride is engulfing, but with it comes sadness pining for the way it was. And even those precious memories are foggily slipping my mind. He's fading from me in both directions.

I just want to hold him tight, his chest pressed against mine, his arms clung around my neck, his little face resting sleepily on my shoulder. He is the greatest, sweetest gift, but it feels like he'll be gone before I know it. Melting away like the decadent, sweet taste of the tiniest, perfect truffle.

*sigh*